I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
