We won't sleep together?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
