she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
