currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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