I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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