its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
