If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
