I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
