I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize