Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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