If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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