yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
