I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
