With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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