I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
