I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I understand Curling. That high.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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