i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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