the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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