seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
