You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
