i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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