I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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