You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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