There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
