she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
