Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
