when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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