Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, beer. Big fan.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
