remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
