yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
