Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize