her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
