Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The air taste purple.
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