I'd wear matching sweaters with you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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