im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am available for nakedness
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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