She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
