Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
