I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
