when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
