i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
