you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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