Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
