If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There r osticjed everywhere
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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