Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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