I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
