Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
