i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
