i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
