I am spending my child support on dildos
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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