Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
