So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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