your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
