Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
