so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
