So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize