whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
