Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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