OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
