Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
