im six kinds of drunk right now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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