if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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