i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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