If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
