i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
