Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
