just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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