do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
