If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
