so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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