Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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